Why did I abandon my calling to guard the final border?

Quest Text I still dream of that dark stench from that time.
The fact that you've lost your memories... I envy you.

Summary Regretfully, I stormed out before you did,
so I have no idea of the reason why you followed suit.
3 years had passed since the Blackstar
had fallen in the far-off lands of the west
yet the paradise the aged teachers
desperately yearned for would never come to pass.
I may have only fanned the flames
of doubt you'd been brewing in your heart.

Summary Whenever there was a deserter,
the aged teachers would call us forth and instruct me to say,
The Blackstar does not descend upon us
for there are those among us who lack the faith.
The souls which can reach paradise,
are the ones awakened to the horrors of the battlefield.
Although I was a foreigner, and the son of a concubine
to the Nesser Royal House of Valencia,
I was also next-in-line to be
the 'One at the End', or Qabal's successor.
For a fellow brother-in-arms also next-in-line to lead to desert,
I'm sure that must've left a huge impression on you.